...

I've not written in a while because honestly most of my free time is just feeling sad about having to spend my life in ways I don't like just so I can feed myself and keep a roof over my head.

But also in the bouts of feeling hopeful, I've been working on other things.

I think I've gotten my first permanent white hairs. I've always had one or two that pop up randomly every few years and then don't come back, but this time it's nearly a dozen white hairs all growing from one spot on my head.

I always see people dreading this moment, but I'm actually kind of excited? I can't quite explain it, but the closest feeling I can name is maybe pride? Like I've earned it somehow?

Part of it is also probably that I may finally look my age. People always think I'm 5-10 years younger than I actually am - I'm guessing it's the autism. Maybe now I'll be taken more seriously when I want to be.